


Villains Of Circumstance

by havokwritesstuff



Series: havokwritesstuff (blog) [3]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics), Red Hood - Fandom
Genre: Brainwashing, Bullying, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Child Abuse, Dubcon Mention, Mind Control, Murder, Murder-Suicide, Other, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:22:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 22,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22258651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/havokwritesstuff/pseuds/havokwritesstuff
Summary: Jason Todd and (Y/N)(L/N) have been in love with each other since they were kids. As they get older, it seems life just wants to keep them apart. Will they be able to overcome this newest obstacle, or will Jason lose the love of his life forever?
Relationships: Jason Todd/Reader, Jason Todd/You, Roy Harper & Reader, Tim Drake & Reader
Series: havokwritesstuff (blog) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1624438
Comments: 8
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Jason was adopted by Bruce at 12 years old so in the 10 years later bit the reader is 22. I know the ages are kinda off from the usual, but ages in comics are kind of a mess anyway.

_You walked across the campus of Gotham Academy with a few books hugged to your chest, making a beeline to your next class. The night before hadn’t gone well, as evidenced by the bruises under your clothes, so you weren’t in the mood to deal with any nonsense. All you wanted was to get to class and avoid being messed with. It seemed that things weren’t going to go your way, but when did they ever?_

_“(Y/L/N)!” It was William, one of the kids that took a lot of pleasure in making you as miserable as possible._

_You were at the Gotham Academy on a scholarship and many of the students felt that you didn’t belong in their prestigious school, so they targeted you. The staff tended to look the other way since the parents paid a lot of money to get their children in._

_Suddenly, you were pushed down from behind. You collided with the ground, dropping your books on the wet grass. You slowly pushed yourself up to a sitting position and looked up to see William and his group of friends standing above you._

_“Are you stupid? I was calling your name.” He said with a sneer._

_“I heard you. Kind of hard not to. Look, can you please just leave me alone today?” You sighed, already knowing he would refuse._

_“No, not yet. I’ll leave when we’re done.” William kicked you hard in the side of your stomach, causing you to fall back to your previous position. You crossed your arms over your belly as tears began to prick at your eyes. The pain was worse than it would have been normally, since you already had some injuries there._

_He bent over and threw a punch right into your face, making you cry out. When he went in for a second, you caught his arm and forced him back. Fire burned in his eyes as he tried to kick you again._

_“HEY, ASSHOLE!” An unfamiliar voice yelled._

_William and his friends turned towards the voice and suddenly he was on the grass next to you, blood running down his face. He grabbed his nose and started to cry._

_You looked up and saw a raven haired boy fighting some of the other kids, since they decided to try and attack him._

_You propped yourself up on your elbows and watched as he swung on the other kids. The first thing you noticed was the way he wore his uniform, tie loose and shirt untucked. The second was the wild look in his bright blue eyes. He had finally gotten the other kids to give up before things got worse. They all got up and ran off, presumably to get a teacher._

_The boy came over to you and offered a hand to help you up. You gratefully took it and got to your feet. He picked up your books and looked at them as you brushed the dirt off of your uniform. “Great Expectations? Good choice.” He handed you the books once your uniform was clean. “You okay?”_

_You took the books and held them in one arm as you lied. “Yeah, I’m fine. You’re the new kid, right?”_

_He nodded. “Jason Todd.”_

_“(Y/N) (L/N). It’s nice to meet you, Jason.” You held out your hand for a handshake, which he did, albeit a little awkwardly. “Thanks for the save by the way. You really shouldn’t have done that though. You’re going to be on their bad side now too.”_

_Jason shrugged. “They’re not the kind of people I want to be friends with. What’s their problem with you anyway?”_

_“My family isn’t rich like everyone else’s. I’m just here on an academic scholarship…. Is that an issue for you?” You sure hoped it wasn’t. It would be nice to have at least one friend._

_“I’m not exactly high society either, so no.”_

_That was when one of your teachers came out with William and his friends in tow. “Todd! (L/N)! Principal’s office! Now!”_

_“Great.” Jason said, his voice tinged with annoyance. “Guess it’s time to face the music.”_

_You walked side by side with him all the way to the office, a small smile on your face._

——–

Ten Years Later

The Gotham sky was a deep gray, not letting even a ray of sunshine through. The cold air burned your lungs and nipped at your exposed face. A even gloomier day was more than fitting, considering the anniversary. It was as if the universe could feel the way your pain increased on that day.

You trudged across the grass of the Wayne Manor grounds, holding a single pale flower in your gloved hand. Finally, you made it to where you were heading and sat down. A few feet in front of you stood a familiar headstone.

_**Jason Peter Todd** _

_**Beloved Son and Partner** _

You sighed as you turned your gaze to the ground and rolled the stem between your fingers. You greeted him the same way you did every time. “Hey, Jay.”

Visiting was always hard, but truly, everything had been hard for you the last five years. Whether you liked it or not, Jason Todd took a piece of you with him when he died. The wind blew and you pulled your coat tightly around your body.

“I’ve been thinking about you a lot. Not that I don’t think about you often, I do. But…you know how it gets this time of year.” You squeezed your eyes shut and shook your head in an attempt not to cry.

“I’ve been coming across more things that remind me of you lately. Just yesterday, I passed by that bit of sidewalk where we wrote our names. How old were we? 15?” The two of you had found some wet concrete on your way to the library and Jason suggested writing in it. You were hesitant, but he always had a way of convincing you to do things like that.

“Y'know, everyone says that it hurts less eventually. That when you think about the person you’ve lost, you’ll smile instead of cry. It’s been 5 years and it’s still so raw. I’m not sure it’ll ever heal.” You sniffled, the tears finally breaking through.

“You were there for me through so much shit. The abuse, my parents,…when I thought that stepping off of a building was my only option. It’s so hard not having you here now. I just…I miss you so much, Jay.”

You wiped your cheeks with your sleeve and looked up towards the grey sky, taking a breath of the chilly air in hopes of calming yourself. It didn’t work, and the tears kept coming.

A familiar voice called softly from behind you. “(Preferred Title) (Y/N).” No matter how many times you asked Alfred to just call you by your first name, he still used a title. He had always been a consummate professional.

“Hi, Alfred,” you greeted him with a smile. Alfred had been one of your favorite things about being at Wayne Manor. He always treated you with respect, which had been so rare the first 12 years of your life

“It’s much too cold for you to be out here. Would you like to come in for tea? I’ve just baked your favorite biscuits.” He knew you’d be coming today, just like every year since it happened.

You thought it over and finally stood up. “That sounds nice, Alfred.”

You laid the flower down in front of the headstone and placed your hand on the marble for a moment. Then, you joined Alfred, who offered you a handkerchief as you walked back up to the manor in a comfortable silence.

–

The fireplace crackled, the glow lighting up the sitting room. Your coat and gloves had been abandoned on the back of one of the chairs, so the heat was quite nice. You circled around the room, observing the paintings on the walls and the various antique decorations. Barely anything had changed over the years since you met Jason. Wayne Manor seemed almost perpetually frozen in time.

The manor was the first place you ever thought of as a home, even before you actually lived there. You would come over to hang out with Jason after school, usually to read together, and sometimes have dinner with him, Bruce, Alfred, and, on the rare occasions that he was in town, Dick.

When you were 16, Bruce had taken you in at Jason’s insistence after what happened with your parents. You had no living family, and Jason didn’t want you to have to go through the things he did before Bruce adopted him. You knew that Bruce didn’t have to take you in, but he did, and that was something you could never repay him for. Of course, you never got involved with Bruce and Jason’s nighttime activities beyond helping Alfred give them medical attention if needed. It wasn’t really your scene.

Alfred entered the room carrying a tray with a plate of biscuits and two cups of tea sitting on little saucers. He sat the tray down on the coffee table and picked up one of the cups. Once you sat down in a chair, he handed it to you. “Just the way you like it.”

He held the platter of biscuits out to you and you grabbed a few, setting them on your saucer. “Thank you, Alfred.”

“It’s my pleasure.” Alfred set the platter down and took a biscuit of his own before sitting in the chair across from you. “How are you, (preferred title)(Y/N)?”

You dunked your biscuit into the tea and took a bite, using that time to mull over your answer. “Same as usual, I suppose. What about you guys?”

Alfred knew you were mostly asking about Bruce. He tended to fall into a bad mood around the anniversary of Jason’s death, even since Tim joined the family, followed by even more kids. Though for the last three years he had a partner to keep him from going off the deep end, it didn’t stop him from dwelling on his greatest failure.

He set his cup back on the saucer with a quiet clink. “We’re managing. Master Bruce has found a distraction in his mission to stop the Red Hood.”

The mention of Red Hood made you look back up at him. “I’m surprised he hasn’t yet. It’s been almost three months since he showed up in town.”

“He has proven himself to be quite well trained. He’s thwarted Master Bruce at every turn.” Alfred took another sip of his tea.

You bit your lip, a little unsure of how to broach the subject on your mind. “Is he…Are we sure that the Red Hood is a bad guy?”

He raised an eyebrow. “He’s been killing many of Gotham’s crime bosses in a bid to take over. We’re reasonably sure. Why do you ask?”

Setting your saucer and empty cup down on the table, you let out a heavy sigh. “Well, I’ve gotten quite a few people in the ER saying that they were rescued by the Red Hood from getting mugged or worse. Not to mention, I was attacked on my way home from work last week and he stopped them. That doesn’t sound like a bad guy to me.” You conveniently left out the fact that you had offered him medical help whenever he needed it. It was the least you could do for someone that had saved your life, but you also knew that Alfred would worry and definitely tell Bruce.

“Hey (Y/N),” greeted a voice from the door, followed by Tim entering, his backpack slung over his shoulder.

You grinned and stood, pulling the boy into a hug. He returned it, mirroring your expression. You pulled away and patted his shoulder. "Hey, Tim. It’s good to see you.”

“You too.”

You noticed that the boy had dark circles under his tired eyes. Being Robin and going to school took up almost all of his time, so Tim didn’t sleep much, preferring to live off of a steady diet of coffee and willpower. Tim was only 16, just a year younger than Jason was when he was killed. You often worried about him, not wanting another Robin to meet the same fate. He was a good kid, almost like the younger brother you never had. “How did that English paper go?”

“I got an A. Thanks for helping me out with it.” Tim took a swig of his coffee and threw the empty cup into the trash bin by the door.

“Any time. Have you talked to Cass and Steph lately?”

He seemed to blush a bit at the mention of Stephanie. “Yeah, they’re still working with Barbara in Metropolis. They said they’re doing well.”

“Good, I’m so glad.” You had become close with Cassandra and Stephanie as well when they were brought into the fold. They had been gone for a few months working with Barbara, or Oracle as she was also known, and Dinah Lance, the Black Canary.

Tim sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Hey, I’ve got history homework and a calculus test tomorrow that I have to study for. Talk next week?”

“Yeah, of course. Good luck, Tim.”

“Thanks. I’m gonna need it.”

You smiled at him as he left, presumably to make some coffee before he got to work, then turned towards Alfred, who had been sipping his tea in silence as you spoke with Tim. “Man, I’m really that predictable, aren’t I? It’s sad, Dick and Barbara don’t visit nearly as much as I do. Probably because they actually have lives.”

“We enjoy having you (preferred title)(Y/N). And it’s nice to have someone around who doesn’t fight crime.” Alfred set his tea down on the tray, shooting you a soft smile.

“Well, I’d love to stay and keep you company, but I need to go home and get some sleep before work.” You grabbed your coat from the back of your chair and slipped it on.

“I’ll drive you home.” Alfred stated as he picked up the tray to return it to the kitchen.

You used to argue against it, telling him you could take a cab, but he always insisted. Instead, you waited patiently for him to return.

About half an hour later, you were back in your empty apartment. Right away, you flopped down on your bed, ready to sleep and get the day over with already.


	2. Chapter 2

Jason sat on the edge of a roof, staring at the building across from him. Not even 10 minutes earlier, he and Bruce had fought off a few members of the Secret Society of Super Villains together. They were sent to kill him by Black Mask, and they failed spectacularly, a bit odd considering that Deathstroke was part of the crew. The most they got on him was a large gash on his forearm and Jason ended up killing one of them, angering Bruce.

His injury had left some blood at the scene, so he knew that Bruce would soon discover who the Red Hood was underneath the mask. It didn’t concern him much, since he figured it would happen eventually. No, the only thing that was bothering him now was the choice he had to make.

He could take care of the slice on his arm just fine on his own, but your offer from the week before rattled around in his head. In the beginning, he’d decided to avoid you entirely since he didn’t want to risk you getting hurt because of him and his mission. He knew that if he saw you once, he would want to see you again and again.

That meant running into you by coincidence was a big problem. He’d been distracted, which was the most likely reason that his would be assassins were able to get a real hit in. His brain told him not to go, but his heart pulled him the other way. He’d missed you more than anything during the years he was gone, and he wondered if you felt the same way.

So that’s how he’d ended up on the building across from your apartment. Deep down, he knew that the decision was already made, and that going all the way to your place instead of his was just confirmation. He jumped from the roof and grappled his way over to your fire escape, hoping that you would be home.

–

Work was successfully able to distract you pretty well for an entire 12 hours. The issue was, when you got home, everything came racing back. Somehow, you were able to shower and sleep a little, but now you were up again. You had the night off and part of you really wanted to just go in anyway for the extra hours. Definitely not to use it as a coping mechanism, though.

You settled on the couch with a cup of coffee and your worn copy of The Call of the Wild, originally belonging to Jason. You were about to open it when a knock came from your window. With a frown, you set your drink and book down on the coffee table and cautiously made your way to the glass. It took you a moment to make out the figure in the dark, but you quickly realized who it was. The Red Hood.

You slid it open, then gestured him inside and closed it behind him. Standing silently, he watched you. At least it seemed like it, but you couldn’t exactly tell through the helmet. “What’s the damage?”

“Got a cut on my arm. It’s going to need stitches.” He answered, his voice modulated.

“Alright, I can handle that. Go sit on the couch and take off your jacket.” He did as you said while you grabbed a case from the bathroom closet and set it on the coffee table. Jason’s heart hammered uncomfortably in his chest.

While you got everything ready, his eyes traveled over your apartment. It was pretty modest and seemed to be barely lived in. He noticed that you had one of his old books on the coffee table, which brought a small smile to his face.

On a shelf, there was a collection of pictures of you and him, along with other people. Some he recognized, like Dick, Barbara, and Alfred, but there were two, a blonde and a black haired girl, that he hadn’t seen before. He assumed that they were the newer Batgirls that appeared after he died. One photo made his stomach drop. It was of you and the replacement.

You went to wash your hands in the kitchen and came back to slip on a pair of gloves. You sat down next to him and carefully rolled up the blood soaked sleeve of his dark grey shirt. “So what happened?”

Jason sighed, willing the thought of the picture from his mind. “Black Mask sent a group of super villains to kill me.”

You nodded as you examined the wound. “Not the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard. And you were right about the stitches, by the way.”

“Yeah, I’ve had my fair share of ‘em.”

“I’m sure.” You grabbed a bottle of solution and one of the hand towels you brought out. “I’m going to clean this out. It’ll sting a bit.”

“I can take it,” Jason replied with a chuckle. You always warned people when you cleaned and cared for their wounds, even if you knew that they had dealt with worse pain.

You held the towel under it and flushed it out. “So you fought off multiple super villains on your own with only a cut to show for it? That’s pretty impressive.”

“I wasn’t on my own. Batman was there.” Jason really hated to admit it, but he may not have survived if it weren’t for Bruce.

You raised an eyebrow as you dried the wound with another towel and applied pressure to lessen the bleeding. “Aren’t you guys enemies? It’s all over the news.”

“You can’t really be picky about help when you have assassins after you.”

“That’s fair.”

Silence filled the room as you kept the pressure on his arm. Any sane person wouldn’t have let a strange man into their apartment, but you owed him one. The news painted him as a criminal, though you didn’t quite believe it. And something about the man was comforting. Like you were completely safe in his presence.

“I wasn’t even sure you’d be home,” Jason stated out of nowhere.

“Why?”

“You’re young and it’s the weekend. Most people have plans.”

“Yeah well, most people have _lives_. Basically all I do is work and sleep. Student loans don’t pay themselves, you know. Plus, it’s a good way to fill my time.” Why you were blabbering to a man you didn’t know, you weren’t sure. Maybe the lack of socialization outside of the family really _had_ gotten to you.

“You don’t have a boyfriend or anything?” _**Nice one, Jason. Real subtle.**_

Your face dropped suddenly as you went to grab what you needed to start the stitches. Jason’s heart grew heavy. He knew that look. “I, uh…I did. He died five years ago and I haven’t dated since.”

At your words, Jason was conflicted. On one hand, he was sad that you weren’t able to get over him after five years, and on the other, he was relieved that you hadn’t found someone else. He knew that was an awful thing to feel, but he didn’t think he could’ve handled seeing the one he loved with another person. “I’m sorry.”

You began the first stitch, trying to focus on it instead of the feelings that had been dredged up again. “Don’t be…..It is what it is.”

His voice turned surprisingly quiet. “Do you miss him?”

A sad smile made its way to your face. “Every single day. He was there with me through so much that it feels wrong doing it without him.”

Your words brought so many memories to the forefront of Jason’s mind. The two of you really had been through a lot. He remembered the first time he ever saw your bruises and knew he had to help you somehow. The time he had to talk you off of a ledge as Robin. When your father snapped and decided to try and take the whole family with him, leaving only you. The night that he left, with you practically begging him to stay.

Jason swallowed the lump in his throat as he went to say something, but you spoke first, wanting to change up the subject. “You know, I don’t get it.”

“Get what?”

“You’d think that someone heading a hostile takeover of Gotham’s underworld wouldn’t care too much about helping people when they’re being mugged, or have time for it if they did.” Your tongue poked out slightly as you concentrated on the stitches, a cute little sight that he’d really missed.

“Just because I want to take control of crime, doesn’t mean I’m okay with it. Some problems take more than what Batman’s willing to do, and it makes it easier to solve them. I still have the time to save cats from trees and help little old ladies cross the street ” The last bit made you snort, and Jason smirked.

“So you’re more of an anti-hero than anything else then?”

Jason shrugged. “I guess you could say that.”

“Interesting.” You snipped the thread of a finished stitch and checked over the work for a moment before nodding. “All done. Just need to dress it now.”

Jason watched as you wrapped gauze around his arm and secured it with medical tape. He stood up and slipped on his jacket as you took care of the mess of supplies on the table. He hovered over by the pictures while you washed your hands, then met you over by the window. “Thanks.”

“No problem. I promise I won’t give you any more sob stories next time….If there is a next time.”

“You know, I have a feeling we’ll see each other again.” Jason lifted the window and climbed out onto the fire escape. With a final look back, he leaped off the edge, and you watched as he disappeared into the night.

–

Jason laid on his cot and stared at the cracked ceiling, one hand behind his head and one resting on his stomach. It was a mistake to go to your apartment. If he couldn’t take his mind off of you before, he really couldn’t now. Your expressions had reminded him of the last time he saw you before leaving. Seeing how devastated you still were over his death truly hurt.

He reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a photo booth strip. It had been with the rest of your pictures, but wasn’t framed, so he grabbed it while you were distracted. He felt like a bit of an asshole for taking it, but he couldn’t stop himself.

It had four photos of the two of you at 17, the last pictures of him before his death. The first was a more serious one, the two of you just smiling, the second had you making silly faces, the third showed you giving Jason a peck on his cheek, and the last, his favorite, was the two of you kissing. After the picture was taken, you didn’t pull away from him until someone loudly complained about wanting to use the booth. The memory was still so clear, as if it weren’t from a whole different life for him.

He sighed heavily as he placed the strip on the nightstand and focused on the ambient noise of the city in hope that it could help calm his racing thoughts of you.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is basically one big flashback. It was supposed to be split between 3 and 4 but I kinda like this better personally.

_5 Years Earlier_

_The bright lamp lit up your desk as you scribbled down the answers to your math homework. Keeping your focus on the work was hard, it always was when Jason and Bruce were out on patrol. Gotham wasn’t a kind place, and they came home injured more often than not. Things with Jason and Bruce had been tense lately as well, which only made you feel worse._

_The door opened, letting in some of the light from the hall. You turned in your chair to see Jason standing there, dressed in his usual jeans and hoodie. That was the first thing to clue you in that something was off. He always came to see you as soon as he got back from patrol, still in his Robin gear, just to let you know he was okay._

_“Jay?” You asked, setting your pen down and standing up from the desk. As he closed the door behind him, you caught his eyes. The hurricane of emotion behind them startled you. Rage, sorrow, resentment….“Jason, what’s wrong? What happened?”_

_He didn’t move any closer to you, just kept his unblinking eyes trained on the carpet. It took him a moment, but he finally answered, his voice quiet. “Bruce…he fired me. I’m not Robin anymore.”_

_You knew that he and Bruce had been disagreeing over Jason’s methods, Bruce thinking him too violent and unpredictable, but firing him? You walked over to stand in front of him. “Are you sure? He may have just been upset and said something he didn’t mean.”_

_Jason shook his head and laughed, the sound completely devoid of humor. “No, he was serious. He thinks I’m too dangerous to be out there.”_

_Bruce wasn’t completely wrong, you couldn’t deny that. There was always this underlying fear that, one day, Jason would finally cross a line that he may not be able to come back from. But you believed the best thing would be to let him stay as Robin and lead him on a better path. It seemed that Bruce didn’t see it that way though._

_You grabbed his hand, leading his eyes to move there. “Jason, I’m so sorry.”_ _Everything that Jason had done in nearly five years as Robin, and Bruce couldn’t even trust him._ _“Maybe it’s just a temporary thing.”_

_He finally looked up at you, still avoiding your eyes. There was no good way for him to break it to you. “Either way…..I’m leaving tonight.”_

_Your blood turned to ice and your grip on his hand loosened. He didn’t mean it. There was no way. “Leaving? But…you don’t have to go just because you’re not Robin.”_

_“No, that’s not it. I have some things to figure out, and I can’t do that if I’m here.”_

_“Then I’ll go with you. Whatever this is, you don’t have to do it alone.” The tears were coming, you could feel it, but you tried to keep them back._

_“It’s safer for you here.” Any trace of anger completely disappeared from his eyes, leaving only sadness. This was even harder than he thought it would be. He held your hand tighter, linking your fingers together. “I’m not leaving **you**. You know that, right?”_

_“I…” Your tears finally flowed. Jason brought you into a hug and held you tight, burying his face into the crook of your neck._ _Much too soon, you pulled away from him and dried your eyes with your sleeve. You were pissed and heartbroken all at once. He said he wasn’t leaving you, but it sure as hell felt like he was._

_A tiny part of you wanted to push him out of the door and tell him to fucking go if he wanted it so badly, but mostly, you wished he would just stay with you._ _You knew him though. Jason was too stubborn to change his mind. It was something about him that you both loved and loathed. You shook your head, a frown forming on your face as you did._

_Jason felt as if you were reaching into his chest and squeezing his heart. He could see the rage and hurt as if it were etched into your skin._ _You opened your mouth to speak, but Jason cut you off by pressing his lips to yours. The warm feeling growing in your chest from his kiss helped dull your pain a bit, but it was still there._

_He ended the kiss and spoke softly. “I love you, (Y/N).”_

_You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to keep more tears from coming. “I love you, Jay.”_ **_Please stay please fucking stay_ ** _, you wanted to say, but what came out was, “Promise you’ll come back.”_

_“I’ll always come back to you.”_

_—-_

_You were in your place on the sitting room couch, your nose buried in a book. Sure, you had done that before, but it became even worse when Jason left Wayne Manor about three weeks earlier. Even Bruce noticed how withdrawn you had become, but it concerned Alfred the most. He knew how much you loved Jason, and how much it hurt you for him to leave._

_Currently, Bruce was in Lebanon tracking The Joker, who had plans to sell a nuclear weapon to terrorists. Apparently, during his mission, he ran into Jason. Jason had found out that Catherine Todd was not his biological mother after all, and was on a mission to find his real mother._ _He and Bruce began working on taking The Joker down together. That was the last thing you heard, and you were trying not to worry, but everyone in Gotham knew how dangerous the Joker was._

_The feeling of someone watching you pulled you away from your book, and you looked up to find Alfred standing in front of you. His eyes were red as if he had been crying, causing panic to rise. You had never seen him like that. Shutting your book and throwing it down beside you, you stood up. “What’s wrong?”_

_His voice was incredibly soft “(Preferred title)(Y/N)-”_

_His tone gave you a few ideas as to what had happened, and you hoped none were true. Tears were coming, you could feel it. “Alfred…”_

_“Master Jason, he-” Alfred’s voice cracked. “The Joker blackmailed Master Jason’s birth mother into luring him into a trap ”  
_

_**No no no**. “W-what happened?“_

_“He’s passed away.” That made it sound much less violent than it was, but you didn’t need to know the details, not when it was so fresh.  
_

_Your hands shook as a sob escaped you. You dropped to your knees, your hands flat on the floor, barely holding you up._ _Agonized wails echoed through the room as your tears dripped onto the carpet. It felt as if your world was ripped away, and it truly had been. He was gone. Your best friend, the love of your life, your everything. This couldn’t be happening. It had to be a nightmare._

_Alfred knelt down in front of you and pulled you into a hug. You clung to him, crying into his shoulder, as he tried to keep you from completely falling apart._

_The night he left, Jason told you he would come back to you._

_You should have known that it was a lie._


	4. Chapter 4

When Alfred asked you to come to Wayne Manor, it was safe to say that you were concerned. Since you visited regularly, he only called you if someone had gotten too badly injured for him to handle on his own, so you prayed to any deity that was listening that Bruce and Tim were okay. You couldn’t lose anyone else.

He assured you that no one was hurt, but there was something that Bruce needed to talk to you about. Even though you asked what it was, he said it would be better in person. That honestly scared you more than the thought of any of the family needing medical attention. Maybe Alfred told Bruce about your encounter with the Red Hood and he somehow knew that you helped him the night before. It wasn’t something you would put past him being that he was the ‘World’s Greatest Detective’ and all.

Once you finally made it to the manor, Alfred greeted you at the door. He looked shaken, something you rarely saw in the man. “Good evening, (Title)(Y/N). Master Bruce wishes to see you downstairs.”

Alfred led you through to the opening behind the grandfather clock and down into the dark cave. As you walked down the steps, you took in a sight that you hadn’t seen in a good few months, and everything looked about the same. The wall of monitors, the array of vehicles, the giant penny,…Jason’s Robin suit in a glass case. You avoided looking in that direction, choosing instead to focus on the monitors.

Bruce stood leaning in front of them, his back to you and hands on either side of the keyboard, and on the screens were several pictures of the Red Hood which looked to have been taken through Bruce’s mask. So all of this _was_ about him. You and Alfred finally stopped several feet behind Bruce when he straightened up and turned around to face you. “What’s going on, Bruce?”

“Alfred told me that you had an encounter with the Red Hood. Do you know who he is?” The way that Bruce said it made it seem like you should have, but you were honest.

“No, I have no idea. I would’ve let you know if I did….Can you just tell me what this is about?”

“He and I fought off multiple assassins last night. One of them cut him, and he left blood at the scene.” That you already knew since you were the one that had stitched him up, but you played it cool. “I ran a DNA test on it and found a match.”

You crossed your arms over your chest, frowning. “What does that have to do with me?”

“The DNA matched Jason’s. He’s the Red Hood.” Bruce stated plainly, as if it wouldn’t throw your whole life into a spiral.

At his words, your heart began to beat so quickly it could give the Flash a run for his money. Your breaths turned frantic as every sound in the room became amplified. The beeps of the computer, the flapping of bat wings, Alfred’s voice trying to get through to you. You spared a watery glance towards the glass case, then turned to run up the stairs and out of the house, passing a concerned Tim as you left.

After a panic filled cab ride, you ended up back in your apartment. Immediately, you began to pace the length of your living room. The ride home had helped you calm down a bit, at least enough for you to process what Bruce had told you.

Jason was _alive_. He had literally been in your apartment the night before and you had no idea. How did you not realize who he was? Why didn’t he tell you that it was him under the helmet? He listened to you talk about how much you missed him and he didn’t even say a word.

You didn’t know whether to be happy, pissed, or both, and you didn’t have much time to decide before you heard a light tap on your window.

_——–_

Jason was in the midst of getting rid of of a small drug ring that had been going against his orders and dealing to kids. He had his gun pressed to the forehead of one of the men, the dead bodies of the rest littering the ground, when a batarang knocked the gun from his hand. He looked up to find Bruce gliding down to kick him.

He dodged the hit and Bruce landed. “Man, and here I was hoping I’d be done by the time you got here.” Bruce said nothing as he went in for a punch. Jason saw the man he had been about to execute running for the exit, and he decided to just take care of him later.

He and Bruce exchanged punches and kicks and the use of various gadgets. Bruce finally grabbed Jason by the jacket and slammed him back into a wall. “They know.”

Jason instantly knew what he meant. He threw a gas grenade and ripped himself away from Bruce’s grip, only to disappear, leaving Bruce alone.

He ended up on your fire escape soon after, trying to calm himself. He knocked on your window, and eventually you came to open it. You stepped back to let him climb through and moved over to the side, arms crossed over your chest, and he stood a few feet away from you with slumped shoulders.

“Bruce told me,” you said quietly, breaking the silence.

“I know.” The voice modulator in his mask was turned off, so he sounded completely normal. Jason pressed a button on the side and the helmet loosened, then he removed it and peeled off the domino mask, finally revealing his face to you. You nearly gasped upon seeing him. He was older, but he was still your Jason.

You made your way over to him and cupped his cheeks, taking in every detail. His bright blue eyes, his more defined features, the white streak in his ink black hair. Tears welled up in your eyes. “I missed you so much, Jay.”

“I’ve missed you too.” His voice was so soft, a tone he reserved just for you. He gently wrapped his hands around your wrists and lightly brushed the skin there with his thumbs.

You finally asked the question that had been eating at you since you found out he was alive. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Jason closed his eyes and sighed, leaning his face into your hand slightly. “I just wanted to keep you safe. I didn’t want you to get caught up in what I’ve been doing, but that night with the muggers…”

“If it weren’t for that, would you ever have come to see me? Or told me that you were alive?”

“I don’t know…..I’m so sorry.” The apology was for more than not telling you. It was for leaving, and for not coming back to you for so long. You got the message.

The two of you had your fair share of disagreements and issues during your relationship like most everyone else, but you were never able to stay mad at him for long, and that hadn’t changed, especially since you knew he did it to protect you. Your lips finally curved up into a smile, letting Jason breathe easy. “I forgive you, Jaybird.”

He shook his head, matching your expression. “Is it bad that I actually missed that nickname?” Speedy had started calling him that when he found out his real name, and when Jason told you about it, it stuck.

That got a laugh out of you, but it eventually dropped off, and you just looked into his eyes that you had missed so much. You reached up and combed through the white streak of hair with your fingers. “This looks good on you.”

“Think so?”

“Definitely.”

Jason pulled you into a tight hug and you wound your arms around his neck. He didn’t let you go for a good while, just enjoying that contact he had been without for so long, but you weren’t complaining, you had missed it too. Eventually, he loosened the hug just enough to kiss you passionately, and you returned it with just as much love as he put in. You broke the kiss, taking a moment to finally open your eyes.

Once you did, you found Jason’s smirking face barley an inch from yours. “I told you I’d come back, didn’t I?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gave it a 2 year gap to have enough time for Jason and Roy to become close friends. (PT) when it comes to Lian is aunt/uncle/whatever neutral term you like

2 Years Later

“Do you and Uncle Jay really have to leave so soon?!”

Lian had a death grip around Roy as he hugged her back, a smile on his face at her exaggerated pouting. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, but we’ll be back before you know it.”

You leaned against the living room wall, watching the exchange fondly. Jason and Roy met a few months after it came out that Jason was alive. Well, they really just met again, since they had bumped into each other a lot as sidekicks. They began working together more and more, eventually becoming partners, and the best of friends. The three of you got a new apartment together that served as a sort of home base for the duo, who were unofficially referred to as The Outlaws.

With Roy came his young daughter Lian, the sweetest kid you could ever meet. She lived there with you three as well, since her mother was no longer in the picture. Usually when Jason and Roy were off on a mission, you would watch her, unless you had to work. It was something you didn’t mind in the slightest because Roy and Lian were _family_ , and had been for a while.

A pair of arms wound around you from behind and you smiled. “Finally finished primping, Jay?”

You turned around to place your hands on his chest and found him smirking. “Yeah, I look pretty good, huh?”

“Maybe just a little bit.”

Jason put a hand over his heart. “You wound me, babe.”

With a little eye roll, you leaned in and kissed him, running your hands up his chest and shoulders until you had your arms around his neck. Jason held you closer and deepened the kiss, until Lian’s voice broke your concentration. “Eww!”

“Yeah,” Roy added, amused. “There’s an impressionable young child in the room.”

Jason pulled away and shot Roy an annoyed look. “What, you’ve never seen two people kiss before, Harper?”

“Hilarious.” Roy shook his head as he checked his watch. “Hey, Jaybird, we need to go.”

He gave you one last peck on the lips and whispered, “Love you, babe.”

“Love you, Jay. Be safe.”

Jason reluctantly let go of you and grabbed his helmet before heading towards the door with Roy.

“You’d better keep him out of trouble, Roy,” you called after them before they opened the door.

“(Y/N), we both know that’s impossible,” Roy replied as Jason went ahead of him into the hallway.

“I heard that!”

Roy closed the door, leaving you and Lian alone.

“Do you have to go to work tonight?” Lian asked, hopeful that you would say no.

Having to tell her otherwise hurt. “Yeah, I do. I’m sorry, Li. But I’ll pick you up from Dinah’s as soon as I get off in the morning and we can watch your cartoons together.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

You held out your pinky and Lian hooked it with hers, effectively sealing the oath.

“Okay, now let’s get you packed for later.”

–

Jason and Roy were perched on a rooftop, weapons at the ready. They’d been tracking Slade Wilson, AKA Deathstroke, for the last several months and he’d been hired for a few dozen assassinations in that time. Add that on to the fact that Jason didn’t tend to forget people that attempted to kill him, which Slade did about 2 years prior, and it was clear why they were after him.

The last time they ran into him was about two weeks earlier when he’d been hired for a job in Metropolis. They were able to get out unscathed, just barely, and he warned them not to interfere on one of his jobs again or they would regret it. He was already still pissed that he wasn’t able to complete the contract on Jason before and them not staying out of his hair didn’t help. They weren’t afraid of him, assuming he was all talk, especially since he didn’t know their identities.

That night, according to their intel, Slade would be after the head of one of the Gotham’s smaller crime families, having been hired by a rival.

Jason spotted a heat signature on a nearby roof. “I’ve got something,” he whispered, nodding in that direction. “Gonna go check it out.”

Jason used his grapple to get up to the other roof, and sure enough, Slade was there, standing near the edge with a sniper rifle.

“I’ve got eyes on Wilson.”

Slade turned around, his voice laced with a deadly tone. “I told you to let me do my work.”

“I’ve never been much good at listening.” Jason waited until Roy made it there, then went to hit Slade. Roy shot an arrow into his chest. Slade dodged the blow and yanked the arrow from his body.

“You made a mistake, Jason. I had a feeling you would.”

The man in question froze completely. How did he know his name?

“You might want to call (Y/N). After all, Gotham General doesn’t have the best security.” The mention of your name made Jason want to end him, but it seemed there was something much more important going on.

Jason didn’t think, didn’t consider that Slade might just be using you to rile him up.He didn’t want to risk it. He jumped from the roof and made his way down to where they had stashed their motorcycles while Roy followed close behind. They could always handle Deathstroke later.

As he revved up the motorcycle and took off towards the hospital, Jason dialed you through his heads up display. It took you a few rings to answer and he held his breath the whole time.

“Jay?” He let out his breath upon hearing your voice

“(Y/N), are you okay?!”

“Yeah, I’m fine. What’s going on?”

“You may be in danger, but Roy and I are on our way. I need you to stay where you are until we get there.”

“O-”

**_BOOM!_ **

Right after the noise, the call went silent.

Jason’s stomach dropped, but he kept pushing his motorcycle as hard as he could. The two of them finally made it to the hospital to find it burning, and part of the building had caved in. There was a mess of police cars, ambulances, and fire fighters surrounding the place.

Roy and Jason abandoned the bikes and ran into the chaos. Jason searched through the crowd for you, but found nothing. He was starting to panic until he saw a nurse that you were friends with, who he recognized from all the time’s he’d visited and brought you dinner. She was being treated by the EMT’s, but she didn’t seem to be in too bad a shape.

Jason took off and skidded to a stop in front of the woman. “Sarah, have you seen (Y/N)?!”

He noticed that she had been crying. A sob escaped from her throat. “The Joker and his girlfriend took them. Said they were going to have some fun. Why them? I don’t understand.”

Jason stopped listening as soon as she said that The Joker took you. He raced towards his bike, not even caring to see if Roy was following.

This couldn’t be happening

_This couldn’t be happening_

–

The ER was slap full. Apparently, The Joker had escaped Arkham Asylum a _gain, s_ o the injured guards were all transported to Gotham General for medical attention.

You had just finished taking care of a man’s gunshot wound when your phone rang. From the tone, you knew it was Jason, and he only called you during work if it was an absolute emergency. After gesturing to Sarah that you needed to take a quick call, you made your way over to the edge where there were less people.

“Jay?”

“(Y/N), are you okay?!” He sounded both angry and panicked, the latter being something you rarely heard from him. Something was _very_ wrong.

“Yeah, I’m fine. What’s going on?”

“You may be in danger, but Roy and I are on our way. I need you to stay where you are until we get there.”

“O-”

A deafening noise cut you off as you were thrown back into a far wall, hearing a snap and feeling a horrible pain shooting up from your shin. You saw bone poking out through your skin and your stomach turned. Your ears rang as you tried to sit up and observe your surroundings through the haze of smoke.

Pieces of the roof caved in, and flames spread fast. People were crying, screaming, some of them stuck under debris, some injured like you were and trying to escape. You couldn’t quite sit up all the way, let alone stand. There was a sharp pain in your chest as you dropped back to the floor face down and you were forced to cough, blood running from your mouth and onto the floor.

You scanned the area for your phone, which had fallen from your hands when you were knocked back. It was on the floor, having been crushed by a piece of the ceiling. So calling anyone was out of the question.

The sight of black and red booties on front of you made your eyes widen. “Mistah J, I found ‘em!”

“Oh, wonderful job, Harley.” Bile rose in your throat at the sound of his voice. The Joker.

Joker bent down in front of you, giving you a full view of his chalk white face and distorted red grin. He yanked your head up by your hair and you cried out in pain, making his smile grow larger. “We’re going to have some fun tonight. Well, it’ll be more fun for me than for you.” He laughed, a horrifying laugh that gave you a sinking feeling in your stomach.

Joker pulled his fist back, and suddenly, your world turned black.


	6. Chapter 6

The sharp sting of a slap to your cheek pulled you out of the darkness. Both were sore, cluing you in that it wasn’t the first attempt to wake you. What quickly came to your attention after that was the agonizing pain in your leg, and the ache of your shoulders and wrists. Your eyes fluttered open, and the bright light made you squint until you were able to get used to it.

Two figures stood in front of you, the very same ones that found you at the hospital. Your heart began to race as the gravity of the situation hit you. The Joker and Harley Quinn had you at their mercy, hanging by a chain from the ceiling.

“Ah, looks who’s finally awake! We have so much to do, and so little time until the Boy Blunder shows up.” He used the crowbar in his hand to gesture towards you, then looked down at it. “It’s not the same one I used on _him_ , but it’ll hurt just the same.”

Your eyes zeroed in on the weapon _._ Jason didn’t talk too much about the circumstances of his death, because was painful for him to think about and he didn’t want to give you all the gory details, but he did end up telling you that part when you saw all of his new scars for the very first time. So it looked like this was a way to get back at Jason specifically, as opposed to the rest of the Bats.

Joker sauntered forward, swinging it around as he came closer to you. “Hm, where should we start? Kneecaps? Ribs? It sounds like you may already have a bit of a collapsed lung!” He broke out into a hysterical laugh, which Harley responded to with a giggle. “What do you think, Harley?!”

She perked up. “Kneecaps, kneecaps! Then they’ll last a little longer!”

With only laughter as a warning, Joker sent a blow to your right knee, shattering it. You screamed out and echoed throughout the building. Tears pricked at your eyes from the pain, you couldn’t have held them back if you’d tried. He broke your left knee right after, and then started going wild, hitting you without giving a moment in between. His laughs became even more maniacal with every swing.

Your ears rang, and all you could see through your tears was the blurred image of Joker’s blood splattered face. Breathing had become very difficult, each shaky inhale sending you into a coughing fit and filling your mouth with blood. Iron was all you could taste, all you could smell. Eventually, the pain started to fade, and every hit felt like a tap.

That was it. You were going to die in a shitty old warehouse getting beaten by a psychotic clown. All you could think of was Jason, and how he would blame himself for all of it. You wouldn’t be there to tell him not to. Maybe Roy would be able to knock some sense into him….

After what felt like forever, your view changed. The Joker was ripped away, and a much more welcome sight appeared. Even through the tears, you knew him.

“J-” Another round of violent coughs racked your body, and blood poured from your mouth onto the floor. He removed you from the chains and gently lowered you down to the cement.

Jason’s lips moved, but it was hard to hear him speak, as if you had water in your ears. You tried to focus, only catching bits and pieces. “(Y/N)…try…awake…“

You did the best you could do smile at him as your vision began to dim. "Not y-” One last cough forced blood from your lungs. “…fault.”

His eyes went wide as he spoke again, but you only got one word. “Please”.

The last thing you saw was a pair of gloved hands pulling him away from you.

–

45 minutes later

Jason sat slumped forward in a hard plastic chair in the observation area for the operating room. His elbows rested on his thighs and his hands hung between his knees. Roy had made him wash off the blood, _your_ blood, but he could still see it, still feel it there, hot and dripping to the white tile.

As soon as he and Roy found out what happened, they’d contacted everyone in Gotham that they could reach. Bruce, Tim, Damian, Stephanie, Kate, they were all searching for you. Barbara finally managed to track you down through some CCTV footage. When she told them that you were taken to an old abandoned warehouse, Jason knew, and Barbara already had an ambulance on the way.

He was beyond pissed before, but when he entered the warehouse and saw Joker beating your limp form, he lost it. Damian took care of Harley quickly, so Jason hadn’t needed to worry about her when he barreled towards Joker and violently threw him as far away from you as he could. He would have done worse if not for you needing him more.

Jason took you out of your chains and lowered you to the ground. He was finally able to get a good look at your state. You were completely bloodied and mangled, and you barely seemed to breathe. He begged you to stay awake. You didn’t.

When the ambulance arrived, Roy pulled him awayfrom you. As they loaded you up, every fiber of his being wanted to beat The Joker to death with his bare hands. Instead, Roy got him to go with you, and showed up at the hospital later, knowing that his friend would need someone else there.

So, the two of them waited, a large pane of glass giving them a full view of the operation. Jason couldn’t watch and, truth be told, Roy couldn’t quite do it either, but he did, just to get an idea of how things were going. One of the doctors told them that there was a very minuscule chance of you making it, and if you did, you would most likely be crippled.

Roy saw your heart rate flat line and the doctors rush to resuscitate you. “Jason!”

Jason’s head snapped up and his eyes widened as he saw why Roy called to him. He shot up from his seat and ran to the window, with Roy coming up right behind. The doctors kept going for what seemed to be an eternity until they just….quit.

_Why are they stopping? **Why are they stopping?**_

One of them removed his mask and checked his watch, washing away any bit of hope that he had of you surviving this. Jason read his lips, seeing exactly what he’d dreaded: _‘time of death-’_

With a heart-wrenching roar of, “NO!”, Jason turned and punched a hole straight through the wall before Roy could stop him. His fist throbbed, blood dripping down from his knuckles as he fell to his knees, but he didn’t care.

 _You were dead_ , and it was because of him.

–

5 Days Later

The rain came down heavy in Gotham City as family and friends surrounded your open grave on the grounds of Wayne Manor. Each person talked about you and how much they missed you before setting a white rose on your casket. Jason had tuned them all out, the rain on his umbrella the only sound coming through. He just stared blankly at your headstone, unable to look anyone in the eye.

Eventually, it came around to him, but he didn’t speak. He couldn’t, especially not in front of everyone. One by one, they all gave him their condolences as they left, but he didn’t acknowledge a single one. Pretty soon, Alfred was the last person there, and he simply placed a hand on Jason’s shoulder for a moment before leaving him there alone.

For a good while, he just stood there, his fist gripping the umbrella so tight that his knuckles turned white. Flashes of your bloody and broken body invaded his mind and he didn’t even bother trying to will them away anymore, it hadn’t worked so far. They were just one more thing to fuel his nightmares.

He thought about how horribly he’d failed you. Some years ago, when you’d first confided in him about your abuse, he promised you that he would keep you safe. That he would _never_ let anything happen to you again. Well, he _did_ let something happen, and now you were never coming back.

There was so much he needed to say to you. That it _was_ his fault, no matter what you said. That all he wanted to do was make Slade, Joker, and Harley go through the same pain you did. That he was _sorry_. But no words would leave his mouth.

Finally, he gave up and placed the rose on the pile, then walked back to the Manor.


	7. Chapter 7

1 Year Later

_Jason laid with you, legs tangled together under the blankets and your head on his chest. The room was quiet aside from your steady breaths. Your hand had been resting on his stomach, and his came up to hold it.. Though he should’ve been totally content, there was this odd feeling that he couldn’t place._

_“I wish you didn’t have to go again so soon,” you mumbled into the fabric of his t-shirt, voice still gravelly from sleep._

_He opened his eyes to look at you as you tilted your head up towards him. “It’ll only be a few days, babe. Then you’ll have me all to yourself.”_

_You smiled softly. “I like the sound of that.”_

_Jason kept his focus on you as you leaned up to kiss him, his heart threatening to beat from his chest. Moments like these were always common with you two, but something was **wrong**._

_He returned the kiss, bringing his free hand up to hold your cheek. After a moment, you pulled away, and Jason opened his eyes._ _He was met with your cut and swollen face, dripping with blood. You coughed violently, and more blood poured out from your mouth before you spoke._

_**“Why didn’t you save me?”**  
_

Jason shot straight up in bed, his chest heaving and skin drenched in sweat. On instinct, he reached over like he always used to after a nightmare only to find cold, empty sheets. He ran a hand through his messy hair and got up from the bed.

With a heavy sigh, he flipped on the bathroom light and looked in the mirror to be met with his considerably pale skin and heavy dark under eye circles. He, as Roy always so delicately put it, looked like complete shit. His gaze flashed down to the silver ring that hung on a chain around his neck, but he quickly looked away.

Though reluctant, he went ahead and took a shower to at least clean the sweat from his skin, but he didn’t rush through it once he was in there. When the hot water ran out, Jason got out and threw on the first pieces of clothing he could find. He went out into the apartment to find Roy making breakfast in the kitchen and Lian sitting at the little dining room table close by, coloring a picture with some crayons.

“Uncle Jay!” The girl cheered as she ran over and nearly knocked him over with a hug to his legs.

“Hey, kid.” He patted her on the head, lifting the corners of his lips up slightly. Lian was really the only person he could muster up a genuine smile for anymore. Even though it was barely visible, it still made her happy.

She pulled him over to the kitchen and dining area by his hand. “Daddy’s making breakfast for us!”

“I’m not hungry, Li,” Jason replied while he went and made himself a coffee. Trying to live solely off the stuff had become a thing with him, and he tried not to think about how ‘Tim’ that was.

“You still need to eat.” Roy flipped a pancake for punctuation. “You can go sit with Lian, I’m almost done.” Jason didn’t exactly have the energy to argue with him, so he grabbed his mug and took a seat at the table. He watched Lian color for a moment until his eyes focused somewhere across the room.

After you died, Jason had completely cut everyone off. All except for Roy. He’d been way too stubborn to let Jason go like that. Roy knew from experience that the last thing his friend needed was to be alone. So he made sure that Jason ate and slept at least a little, went on missions to keep him from getting himself killed (again), and most importantly, provided stability for him while he was still spiraling. Jason would have done the same for him if their roles had been reversed, and that knowledge helped when Jason made things particularly difficult. But that day seemed to be a good one so far.

Jason knew that Roy kept the rest of the family somewhat updated on how he was doing, he wasn’t an idiot. If they hadn’t heard anything about him, they would be pestering him constantly. It’s not like there was ever any change anyway. He was sure all of Roy’s reports still went a little something like ‘Jason’s angry, depressed, and….yeah, that’s it’. It didn’t matter though. Whatever helped keep Bruce and the others out of his hair was fine with him.

Unfortunately, there hadn’t been much to keep them out of lately anyway. He’d put dealing with Joker and Harley on the backburner for a while to plan since Bruce seemed to foil him and Roy every time they made a move. Meanwhile, Slade had stayed under the radar pretty well over the year since he’d orchestrated your murder, though part of that may have been because Jason didn’t have Oracle as a resource anymore. Without a clear mission, he felt even more lost.

A plate being placed in front of him distracted Jason from his thoughts, and he noticed that Lian had already dug into her pancakes. Roy sat down at the table with his own food and started eating. Jason picked up the fork and poked at his scrambled eggs, occasionally taking a bite between sips of coffee, while Roy and Lian talked. Roy had an eye on him to make sure he ate a decent amount of it.

There was something he knew he needed to tell Jason about, though another part of him said to keep it to himself. But Jason needed _something_ to get him out, even when that something was an incredibly bad idea. When Lian cleared her plate, Roy asked her to color in her room for a bit, then turned to his friend. “Jason.”

“What?” Jason finally noticed that Lian had finished her food and disappeared to her room.

Roy put his fork down. “I talked to Oliver earlier. He had a run in with Slade a few days ago in Star City.” Jason perked up a bit at that and Roy continued. “He has reason to believe that he’ll be in Blüdhaven for a job _tonight_.”

Jason let it process for a moment before replying, “Then we’ll be there, too.”

“There’s more. He told me that Slade’s working with someone. He has no idea who, and Dinah said that Barbara wasn’t able to find anything either, but apparently they’re nearly as difficult to take down as he is.”

“It’s a good thing there’s two of us then, huh?”

Roy shook his head in disbelief. “Don’t sit there and act like you’re in the shape to fight Slade _and_ someone just like him.”

“Look, Roy. I’m going to Blüdhaven whether you join me or not,” Jason stood up from his chair and finished the last of his coffee.

“I know, and that’s why I’m taking Lian to Dinah’s later.”

Jason gave him a small nod. “Then we need a plan.”

–

The night was nice and cool as the two of them perched on a rooftop in the area of Blüdhaven that Oliver indicated. It gave Roy a bit of deja vu, and he sincerely hoped that this night would go better than the one it reminded him of. The only difference so far, aside from the different city, was the fact that Jason didn’t even have his helmet or domino mask on and there was a cigarette between his lips. He hadn’t smoked once in the two years he’d spent with you after he came back to Gotham. You had always hated that habit of his, even when you were kids, telling him that it would be the death of him, which was almost funny in hidsight. He was on his third when gunshots came from a few buildings over.

Jason and Roy jumped to action and got over to the building, the former putting his helmet back on as they went. They busted in and, sure enough, Slade was there slaughtering some gang members. Along with him was the figure that Oliver had mentioned. They wore a blood red leather jacket with a black hoodie underneath, the hood of it pulled over their head, and a black domino mask with whited out eyes. They had dual swords, each dripping with blood.

Fury blossomed in Jason’s chest when he spotted Deathstroke. “SLADE!”

Slade kicked a man to slide his body off of his sword and turned towards the pair. “You really didn’t learn your lesson last time?” And that was the thing that made Jason snap. He charged at Slade, guns ready.

Roy went after Slade’s partner. He shot an arrow at them and they sliced it in the air. They ran towards Roy and went in for an attack, which he was able to block with his bow. He kicked them in the stomach and they went toward the floor, changing the fall into a roll and standing back up. The movement made their hood fall from their head. They exchanged more blows leaving Roy bloodied and the other untouched. Roy threw quips at them, but they stayed deadly silent.

Meanwhile, Jason wasn’t faring quite as badly as he thought he might, considering that he’d gotten a bit rusty. He shot Slade in the chest and the bullets stuck in his body armor, giving him a distraction to throw a small explosive device at the other man. Slade was thrown back into a wall, where Jason pounced on him and began punching him straight in the face, causing the orange half of his mask to grow little spots of red.

Roy finally got his opponent in a tight grip and held an arrow right above their jugular. “I don’t exactly want to kill you, but I will.”

“Good luck with that,” they said, making Roy’s eyes widen and hold loosen when he heard the voice. They took advantage of the distraction and threw their head back into his face, causing a sickening crack. Roy stumbled backwards as blood poured from his nose. Before he could recover, they hit him over the head with the butt of their sword, knocking him out cold.

Jason and Slade traded blows at the same time. Jason flipped backwards to avoid a hit from Slade, and that was when he saw Royget taken out. “Dammit!”

Since Roy was down, Slade’s partner came to attack Jason. They sliced the red bat on his chest, not quite getting through the body armor. Slade stayed back and watched them fight, his voice almost smug. “I trust you can take care of this one on your own.”

The figure nodded, and Slade disappeared. They went in for another swipe at Jason, but he was able to dodge as he hadn’t been surprised this time. His rage began to grow, since Slade had escaped.

Jason shot them in the shoulder, and after a few moments, the bullet pushed out of their skin and fell to the floor. _Enhanced healing…Noted._

They traded blows for a good while, the other injuring Jason quite badly with their swords before he was able to disarm them. Finally, they went in for a right hook, but Jason stopped it. He glanced at their hands and that was when he noticed it. Peeking from between their glove and the sleeve of their jacket was a deep, jagged scar that ran a few inches down the inside of their wrist. He’d seen that scar every day on and off for the past 13 years. Jason froze, not loosening his grip. There was no way this was happening, _no fucking way_. “(Y/N)?!”

There was no change in your expression.

“(Y/N), it’s me. It’s Jason.”

“Is that supposed to mean something to me?” Your voice sounded hollow, so unlike you, and Jason’s blood turned to ice. You yanked your wrist from his hand and kicked him back several feet, knocking the air from his lungs. As you came at him ready to strike, he took off his helmet in the hope that maybe, just maybe, it would spark something.

At the sight of him, your attack slowed to a stop and your head tilted in confusion. “I…”

Jason watched as your hands came up to your head and you fell to your knees, groaning in pain. He reached out to you as it turned to screams and blood began to flow from your nose. “(Y/N)-”

“STOP CALLING ME THAT!”

You forced him away from you and ran towards the exit. Jason followed behind, determined not to lose you, but you took an explosive from your belt and threw it back at him. He was blasted backwards and you were able to escape, leaving him alone with Roy.


	8. Chapter 8

_“FUCK!”_

Jason threw his helmet onto the couch as Roy carefully sat down, holding his side. He paced the space in front of Roy and ignored the pain in his body. He’d been silent the entire way home, just fuming as he drove. He was pissed. At Slade. At himself. Now the anger had to come out.

“This isn’t your fault, Jason,” Roy groaned from the pain in his face. He knew it was useless, but he wanted Jason to at least hear it.

“It is. He had to have taken their body from the hospital. The grave wasn’t disturbed, Alfred would’ve told me.” Jason stopped in front of him. “I should have checked and now Slade has them. He’s got them brainwashed or something. They’re killing, and you know them, Roy, they would never kill anyone.”

“I know, but there’s some part of them left in there. They had the opportunity to kill me and they knocked me out instead.” He was still kind of annoyed at himself for that, but considering he heard the voice of his dead friend, he felt justified in getting a bit distracted.

Jason hadn’t even considered that. He was too busy thinking about his own interaction with you. “When they saw my face, they seemed to recognize me at least a little bit, but something happened. It’s like it hurt them to try and remember me.”

“Well, the fact that they know us deep down means we have a chance at finding and helping them, but we can’t do it alone.”

He was right. The two of them hadn’t been able to find Slade once in the past year until Oliver tipped them off. They needed intel and backup. Jason pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts until he found who he was looking for. “Hey, Alfred. I know it’s been a long time, but I need to call a meeting. There’s something big going on.”

–

Jason and Roy walked through the doors of Wayne Manor a little over an hour later. They’d helped patch each other up, so thankfully they didn’t look quite as bad when they saw Alfred.

“Master Jason, Mr Harper. It’s such a relief to see you.” He did still look concerned at their injuries, but he was most bothered by Jason’s tired appearance. Roy’s updates seemed understated now.

Jason nodded. “It’s good to see you too, Alfred.”

Alfred led them through to enter the Batcave. “Master Tim and I got everyone we could on such short notice. We knew it had to be important if you were contacting us.”

They walked down the steps, Jason looking over the entire place. It had been a long time, and he did feel guilty for not at least calling Alfred a few times in the past year, but he couldn’t change it now. The three of them finally got to the main area where Tim, Damian, and Cassandra stood. Barbara was there as well on video on one the the screens.

Barbara was the first to speak. “What’s this about, Jason?” She was glad to see Jason alive and well, considering she hadn’t heard from him in a year, only heard things about his exploits.

“I’m sure you’ve heard about Slade Wilson’s new partner.” Jason took a deep breath. “It’s (Y/N). They’re alive.”

The atmosphere of the room changed completely as everyone straightened up and looked at Jason in shock and confusion.

Tim shook his head, not quite sure if he wanted to get his hopes up that you were really back. It wasn’t impossible though. After all, Jason died and he was standing right in front of them. “How do you know that?”

“Oliver told me where we could find Slade, so we went, and when we fought his partner, we figured out that they were (Y/N).” Roy replied.

“We think they’ve been brainwashed or mind controlled. They started to recognize me, but it looked like it gave them a really bad headache.” Jason added on. “I don’t know exactly how he brought them back. All we know is that they have enhanced healing like Slade.”

“Wilson is very well connected. He could have easily hired someone to give them abilities _and_ a telepath to alter their memories.” Damian was absolutely furious. You were one of the family members that he’d never had a real issue with, one of the first that he genuinely liked. Death had been one thing, but to know that Slade had you this entire time was a different story.

Cassandra had been quiet as per usual, but that didn’t make her any less concerned than the others. She’d cared for you a lot, how you were always kind and compassionate, and your death had hit her hard.

Barbara was the one present that knew you longest, aside from Alfred and Jason. You had been a part of the family for years before your death, and you were as important to all of them as they were to each other, but you meant the most to Jason. She knew how much he needed you in his life, which was even more apparent in his current state.

“I’m devoting all of my resources to this, Jason. We’ll find them.”

–

The Gotham hideout was empty when you walked inside. Your head still pounded and every sound was amplified. The echo of your footsteps, the rustling of your clothing, the air blowing through the vents. And the light seemed far brighter than usual, enough to hurt your eyes.

Slade would probably be back soon. You weren’t looking forward to explaining that you didn’t kill the men that he’d left you to take care of. He wouldn’t be happy, you knew that for a fact. You took off your jacket and threw it on your bed before turning off the light and laying down. The darkness brought some instant relief, but your head kept throbbing.

Those men. There was something about them that told you not to kill them. Sure, you had that feeling with everyone, but those were much much smaller and easier to push away so you could get the job done. But with them, you couldn’t do it.

The one with the red helmet especially. The other one was familiar,enough to make you knock him out instead of deliver a killing blow, but his friend was different. You looked in his eyes and it caused an odd sensation in your chest that you’d never felt before. When you thought about it too much, it made your head start to hurt. It was some of the worst pain you had ever felt, as if your head were being crushed.

You tried to keep your mind off of it, not wanting to bring on another episode. You curled up and pulled the blanket over your head, hoping that sleep would take you soon.


	9. Chapter 9

Two Weeks Later

Slade had suggested that you get some practice in after what happened a few weeks earlier, so there you were, blocking his hits. You went in for a swing, but he knocked your sword out of the way. “No wonder those two idiots got to you. You’re weak.”

Since that night, Slade liked bringing up the fact that you had let the men live, saying that they had manipulated you somehow. He stopped taking you on jobs since you were, as he told you, ‘getting soft’. He couldn’t just let it go.

Your blood boiled as you attempted another attack, but Slade easily evaded and used your distracted anger to his advantage by forcing your sword from your hand. He stabbed you through the shoulder until a good amount of the sword stuck out through your back, then slammed you into the wall, sticking you into it.

“Like I said. Weak.” He yanked the sword from you and you cried out as you fell to the floor. Blood gushed from the wound as it slowly healed up. The warm fluid seeped out through your fingers and onto the hard floor, the smell of iron bringing what it always did. The feeling of being cold and afraid, and the sound of hysterical laughter and metal hitting flesh.

Slade started putting on his gear as you pulled your hand away and stared at the blood. “Clean that shit up.” You didn’t respond and a few minutes later, he was gone, leaving you alone in the empty space.

You wiped away some of the blood with your shirt and examined the wound. It was already closing, so you stood up and cleaned up the puddle just like he said.

When you were done, you stripped your blood soaked clothes off and stepped in the shower. The hot water rinsed the sweat and blood from your body, the latter of which you watched swirl down the drain. That laughter was back, along with the blurry image of a bright white face. You shook your head to push the thoughts out, then pressed your forehead to the cool tiles.

Different images came now. Just flashes, but you caught them still. The blue eyed man and his red haired friend that you fought, a dark haired boy, a young girl. A voice came to you, speaking random phrases.

Please, don’t give up.

I’m not leaving you. You know that, right?

I love you.

Other voices joined in, all overlapping. They got so loud, as if they were all screaming in your ears at once.

“SHUT UP!”

Your fist went straight into the tile, smashing it in and leaving traces of blood. The voices calmed down to whispers as you continued your shower and finally scrubbed yourself clean, skin deep at least.

Once you finished, you came out of the bathroom and sat down on your bed. As you stared at the floor, you thought of the place that had been running through your mind lately. You weren’t sure how you knew of it, but it felt warm, safe, and so unlike the places you’d shared with Slade.

It called your name, and you’d known generally how to find it for the last few days. You’d been biding your time, just waiting for Slade to leave, and now he was out of the picture at least for a few hours. Minding your painful and still healing wound, you slipped on your jacket and left.

—-

It took a few wrong turns, but you’d finally been able to find the place you were looking for, so you parked your motorcycle in the alley across the street and walked over. You looked up at the fire escapes that ran up the side, trying to find the right one. Once you did, you jumped up to pull the ladder down and climbed up until you reached the window that you were looking for.

It was locked, which wasn’t surprising, but to the right of it, there was a silver circle with a green light, just inconspicuous enough for the average person to overlook. Curious, you leaned forward, knowing it wouldn’t be able to really hurt you anyway if it were a weapon, and it seemed to quickly scan your eye. Your brow furrowed in surprise as a click came from the window. With another try, it opened up and you slipped in.

It was dark inside, but the glow of the moon and the city lights filtered through the window, and that was enough for you. You walked around the living room and looked around at various things, running your hand over the soft fabric of the back of the couch as you passed. The place still held those feelings in person that it gave you when you thought of it.

There was a bookcase on the wall and you stopped in front of it to glance over the copious amounts of novels on the shelves. One caught your eye, so you pulled it out and touched the cover lightly as you read the title: Great Expectations. You put the book back on the shelf and continued your inspection of the place.

There was another shelf further in the room, but this one was full of framed pictures. A frown formed on your face as you looked over them and realized that some of them included you. They also had the two men you fought and the other two that you saw, along with various other people that felt familiar.

Without really thinking about it, you reached out for a picture of you and the blue eyed man, ignoring the ache that began to grow in your skull. He looked different in the picture than he had when you fought him. Healthier and happier. Suddenly, front door clicked open and you turned around, grabbing a knife from your thigh holster, only to find said man pointing a gun straight at you.

It took him a moment, but Jason lowered the gun once he realized who it was. He really hadn’t been expecting to see you, especially since Barbara wasn’t able to find anything the last two weeks. It was almost as if you’d disappeared off the face of the Earth. “(Y/N)?”

Once he had the gun away, you sheathed your knife again. For some reason, you felt you could trust him not to attack. “So that’s my name?” It was like you were half stating a fact and half asking yourself the question. “(Y/N)….“ Slade never called you anything really, so the name felt foreign on your lips after years of nothing.

Jason stepped forward, eyes scanning over your face in the low light as he was finally able to see it in full since your mask was off. It made things a bit more difficult for him if he was being honest. He wanted to be close to you again after so long, but he also wasn’t exactly keen on possibly getting stabbed by his amnesiac fiance. "Yeah, that’s your name…..How did you end up here?”

You avoided his eyes, looking literally anywhere else. “I kept having these dreams of this place and I knew how to get here somehow.”

“That’s probably because it’s home. You and I lived here with Roy and Lian before you died.” Jason took a step forward and you immediately took one back.

“I don’t know any Roy or Lian, and there’s no way I died. People don’t come back to life.”

“Well, you’re actually looking at a walking, talking zombie, but that’s not important right now. You did die. A year ago. The-” Jason paused a moment, not really wanting to continue, but he did anyway. “The Joker killed you, and Slade was the one that hired him to do it. All to get back at me.”

“No, you’re wrong. I’ve been working with Slade for years. That doesn’t make sense.” The pressure in your head increased and your fingers came up to touch your temple as your face scrunched up.

Jason came towards you again, stopping a few feet in front of you, but you were too distracted to react. He hated seeing you in pain, but he had to try and help you remember. “Not years, (Y/N). One year. I’ll bet that if you think too hard about any memories earlier than that, they’re going to fall apart.”

You didn’t want to think though, your head was already hurting enough. Glimpses of the mad grin assaulted you, and that quickly turned to the image of a doctor standing above you, past him a dingy ceiling. Something deep down told you to try and go back even farther.

He was right. Everything became blurred around the edges. Incomplete. A shock of pain radiated from your brain and you fell to your knees with a scream. Jason came over and placed a hand between your shoulders, but you quickly smacked it away. “D-don’t touch me!”

Jason backed up a bit after the slap, but he still stayed close. “(Y/N), please just stay here. We can fix whatever Slade did to your memories.”

“No, I can’t. I have to….I have to go.” You stood up and backed away from him towards the window. You crawled out of it, and Jason ran over to watch you jump down the fire escape and sprint out towards the street.

—-

Slade was back, sitting in the main room and sharpening his swords, by the time you returned. Apparently you had been gone a lot longer than you realized. He looked up at you with narrow eyes when you walked through the door. “Where were you?”

You held up the keys to your motorcycle and jingled them. “Taking a ride.”

He eyed you suspiciously before going back to his work. As you walked back to your bed, you sighed and shrugged off your jacket, thinking of how your little adventure had just managed to confuse you even more. You went to throw it down when something caught your eye.

A tiny device peeked out from under the back of the collar, just about where Jason had put his hand earlier. After thinking it over for a moment, you pulled the collar down a bit more to hide it from view. You sat down on the bed and mulled over everything that had happened, but soon you heard the front door open.

Slowly, you got up and tiptoed over, hiding behind the wall that separated you from the main room. There were two voices, Slade and a man that sounded vaguely familiar.

“You said they wouldn’t remember him. Or any of them.”

“The bond must be a lot stronger than I realized.”

“Yeah, no shit. This isn’t what I paid you for.”

“I’ll fix this, Wilson.”

“You’d better, or you won’t have a head.”

The words finally settled, and you realized that Jason really was right. Slade had altered your memories, he’d messed with your mind. So many emotions boiled up inside of you. Rage, disgust, betrayal.

“They heard us.”

Slade sighed in annoyance. “Shut them down.”

Just as you were turning to go grab your swords, your vision went black, and the last thing you felt was the impact of your body on the floor.


	10. Chapter 10

“What do you remember from the past few weeks?” Slade stood in front of you with his arms crossed over his chest and you looked up at him from where you sat on the edge of your bed, your fingers rubbing at your temples.

“I, uh…I remember a job in Blüdhaven. We ran into these guys and fought them…” When you tried to think of anything after that, it hurt your head and the images were fuzzy, but still there. “We’ve been fighting them since.”

“Do you know who they are?” He asked, sounding impatient.

After a moment, you spoke. “Red Hood and Arsenal, right? The vigilantes?”

“Yeah, Red Hood and Arsenal.” Slade smirked, but you were still more worried about the headache that had formed. “Last night, they got you with some drug. It looks like it still has you confused, even with your enhancements. I had someone come check you out when you were asleep and he said you’ll be back to normal soon.”

“Good, because I feel like absolute shit right now.” You sighed and shook your head. “I can’t believe they got me like that…I’m sorry I failed, Slade.”

“Well, you’ve got a chance to redeem yourself. We’ve got a job tomorrow night in Coast City, and I’m sure they’ll show up.”

“I’ll be ready.”

—-

Jason had the gas pressed all the way to the floor as he gripped the steering wheel, knuckles turning white. Roy sat in the passenger seat with a phone in his hand, which had a map and a blinking dot displayed on the screen. Tim was in the backseat, watching the tracker with Roy. “Looks they like finally stopped moving…”

Roy and Tim glanced at each other as Jason kept his eyes on the road, jaw tensing even more than it had been. He just wanted to get there as soon as possible, to get you away from Slade and his mind games. Yeah, he definitely wanted to kill Slade too, but rescuing you was his priority. By the end of the night, you’d be safe with him and the rest of the family. The three of them would make sure of it.

Tim spoke again, hesitant. “Are you guys absolutely sure we can get through to them?” The last thing he wanted to do was fight with someone he cared about, but if he had to do it to save you, he would.

“We’re pretty sure. Especially after Jason found them at the apartment.” Roy looked back at him. “But if things go south, we still have a plan B.”

—-

Your sword sliced at your last opponent and blood gushed from the huge gash it left across his stomach. Just to be thorough, you stabbed him straight through the heart and slid your sword out easily. His body dropped to the ground, joining all of the other guards you’d taken down. Upstairs, you heard a gunshot, which you knew was Slade taking care of the actual target. As you looked down at the corpses, a wave of guilt hit you out of nowhere, but you shook it off.

The sound of Slade’s boots on the steps made you look up. “Any sign of trouble?”

“Nothing,” you replied, kneeling down to wipe some of the blood from your blades with the shirt of one of your victims. “I think we lucked out tonight.”

Slade looked around the room as you sheathed your weapons, eyes narrowed under his mask. “I wouldn’t be so sure. They shouldn’t be underestimated.”

The two of you walked out of the building and out onto the empty street, heading for the motorcycles that you’d parked in the opposite alley. Slade suddenly stopped about halfway and stuck his arm out in front of you to stop you. As he did, there was an explosion in the alley, throwing the bikes out into the middle of the street with a loud crash.

You drew your swords and stood back to back with Slade, who already had his guns out and ready. “You were right. I spoke too soon.”

Jason watched from the roof above, with Roy and Tim stationed on the adjacent one. He glanced down at the bomb in his hand then back to you. He needed to separate you and Slade somehow and unfortunately he’d have to risk hurting you to do it.

Something landed right between your and Slade’s feet, and you had no time to react before it blasted you out several yards. You hit the cement with a smack, dropping one of your swords along the way. With a groan, you pushed yourself up, only to find Jason standing in front of you, holding his hands up. “I don’t wanna fight you.”

You didn’t respond, just frowned as you got to your feet, realizing that Roy and Tim were already fighting Slade. His words only confused you, but you decided to ignore them and go with the voice in your head that told you to kill him. One sword was too far away, so you gripped the one you still had and charged.

Jason blocked the blow, but that didn’t stop you. “You know that something’s wrong here, otherwise you wouldn’t have went to the apartment two days ago.”

He kept avoiding every attack that he could, but never made his own against you. Frustrated, you kicked him in the stomach, knocking him backwards. “The only thing that happened two days ago was you and your friend drugging me.”

They were too late. It seemed Slade had tampered with you even further, undoing all of your progress, and Jason’s desire to kill the man quickly increased. “Did Slade tell you that? Because that’s not what happened. He’s manipulating you.”

“Liar!” Ignoring the other fight happening around you, you lunged at Jason and tackled him into the building that you and Slade had just left, breaking down the door in the process. Jason had the air knocked out of him, so he was still recovering as you stood and picked him up to throw him into the wall. He grunted as his back and helmet smacked against it, breaking through the drywall.

Jason addressed Roy and Tim through the comms as you made your way to him, stepping over the bodies you’d left earlier. “Slade did more damage. We’ll have to go to plan B.” He was interrupted when you grabbed him by the collar and forced him back to his feet. You punched him and forced his helmet to dent the wall again.

“I know what you’re doing and it won’t work!” You threw another punch, and you knew it would hurt you, but the rage flowing through you made you not care. Usually you didn’t get angry like that, and the realization that your behavior was odd seemed to just not matter. All you wanted to do was hurt Jason. _Kill_ him.

Jason didn’t fight back as each new punch broke more and more of his helmet. Fighting you and hurting you was the last thing he wanted to do, so he hoped that once you saw him, it would spark something. “I’m trying to help you.”

With one final hit, the full faceplate finally fell to the floor. You looked into his eyes and a warm feeling formed in your chest, but it was quickly overtaken by anger and a thirst for blood. “I don’t want your help!”

You hit him again, and there was a crunch from his nose. As blood poured from his nostrils, you grabbed his collar and turned around to throw him back on the ground. Jason hit the floor and he wondered where the _hell_ Roy and Tim were, because he didn’t have a great feeling about what you were planning to do next.

Jason groaned as you stepped on his chest and held your sword at his throat, the tip of the blade digging into his skin. He couldn’t see your eyes through your mask, but the rest of your face was completely straight. “And I don’t _need_ your help.” You brought your hand up, intending to plunge the blade right through his body armor and into his heart.

Jason prepared to stop it, but he didn’t have to, because an arrow whizzed through the air and hit you straight in the chest with a loud thunk. You looked down at the arrow, which had some kind of now empty syringe at the end, then up at Roy standing in the broken down doorway.

Your vision started to darken and your sword clattered to the floor, then the room began to sway. Jason quickly got up from his spot on the floor and caught you before you could fall. He pulled the arrow from your chest and picked you up bridal style, looking over at Roy. “You really took your time getting in here, huh?”

“I still saved your ass, didn’t I?” Jason walked over and Roy stepped aside to let him through the door. “Slade left when he heard the sirens and Tim went to go get the car.”

Just in time, Tim drove up and came to a stop right in front of them. Roy got in the passenger seat as Jason carefully put you in the back seat and sat down next to you. Once everyone was in, Tim continued down the street. “I’ve got the location of the closest Zeta tube. We’re headed there now.”

Jason looked over at you with nothing but love and concern as you sat unconscious in your seat. He hoped that the next move would work and that they could undo everything Slade had done. That they could get you back.

It had to work. He couldn’t lose you again, couldn’t _fail_ you again.


	11. Chapter 11

Jason, Roy, and Tim got you up to the Watchtower in record time, and you were being kept in stasis in the medbay. Bruce was doing an examination and Jason watched from where he leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. He tried to be cool, not letting it show just how nervous he was, but there was a chance that Bruce may not have good news. Whatever Slade had done to you could be permanent.

There were leads attached to your head and Bruce was checking the readings on a tablet, as straight faced as ever. The sight of you in a hospital bed, hooked up to so many machines, threatened to take him back to the night you died, but he managed to focus on the steady beeping of the monitors. All of your vitals were perfect, but the same couldn’t be said of your mind.

Jason’s already limited patience was quickly wearing thin, and he went on to say something until Bruce finally spoke. “Based on the readings and what you’ve told me about your encounters, there’s no sign of brainwashing or programming. No brain damage either. This was done by a telepath.”

He pushed off of the wall and went to stand right at the opposite edge of your bed. “So that means we can help them?”

“It means we have a better chance. J'onn J’onzz is on a mission right now, but he’ll be back soon. He’s agreed to help in any way he can.” Bruce put the tablet back on the table and went to leave, but turned back to Jason a bit before he did. “They may not be the same person they were before. You should prepare yourself.”

With that, Bruce left the room, leaving Jason alone with you. He pulled a chair over and sat down right next to you with a heavy sigh. Hesitantly, he took your hand and threaded your fingers together, brushing his thumb lightly over your skin. Now he just had to wait.

—-

About an hour later, Jason still sat there, your hand in his as he watched you. You looked so calm, so peaceful, and it angered him to think that you hadn’t felt that way in over a year. They’d gotten you back from that, sure, but Jason still blamed himself for letting it happen in the first place.

J'onn walked in, interrupting the guilt and self loathing party. “Hello, Jason.” He came closer, stopping about a foot from the opposite side of your bed. “Batman updated me on their condition. I trust he already warned you about any…negative outcomes.”

“Yeah, he did. But if there’s a chance that you can fix what Slade did, then we’re doing this.” He didn’t care if you might not come out of the other end of it exactly the same. After what you’d been through, he expected you to be different than you were before. Who wouldn’t be?

“Very well.” J'onn moved to the head of the bed and carefully removed the leads before placing his hands on either side of your head and going in.

—-

Screams and the unmistakable sound of shattering glass echoed up the stairs as you hid underneath your bed. You kept your hands over your ears, trying to cover up the noise, but it was no use. The sound of a two gunshots and a thud made you gasp, because you knew. Tears dripped from your eyes and onto the dark carpet, and you tried to keep your cries silent so he wouldn’t hear. The police would take their sweet time, but you knew just who to call, so you pulled out your phone and dialed the number.

Jason answered the phone on the second ring and you didn’t give him the chance to say anything before you whispered into the phone with a shaky voice. “Jay, I need your help. I think my dad just…he shot my mom.”

“Where are you right now?” His voice was deceivingly calm, but you could tell that he was already running or grappling from the sound of air blowing into the microphone.

“I’m under my bed.” It was one of the places you hid most often if you couldn’t get out of the house without being spotted, so you worried about him finding you before Jason got there.

“Don’t move. I’ll be right there.”

“Okay.” Your voice was barely audible, but you knew he heard it. You ended the call, not wanting to keep risking making noise.

Moments later, you heard the steps creak, each one making your heart beat faster. He finally made it to the top and slammed your bedroom door open, the wood hitting the drywall with a smack as the knob disappeared into the hole he’d created before. “I know you’re in here, you little shit. Come out and I’ll make it quick.”

You covered your mouth with your hand and squeezed your eyes shut. Jason wasn’t going to make it in time and you shouldn’t have expected him to. Now he would get there too late and find your body, leaving him with another dead person in his life. You just wished you’d said goodbye. Something more than ‘Okay’.

A rough hand grabbed you by your neck and dragged you out from under the bed and you screamed and struggled, trying to at least get a hit in. One punch met his face, which only served to piss him off even more as he sat on your stomach and wrapped one hand tightly around your neck. You clawed at his fingers, but he wouldn’t let go, so you reached up and tried to push your thumbs into his eyes, making him cry out.

His other hand brought the butt of the gun right down on your face, making you drop your hands.

The impact caused a flash of pain in your head and you could already feel blood running down your temple, but you were barely given a chance to recover before he did it again. And again. Finally, he held the gun right against your cheek, his eyes wild as you struggled for breath. “It could’ve been quick, but you just had to fight me.”

“They learned from the best.” A green gloved hand grabbed him by the shoulder and yanked him back, throwing him into the wall. Jason pounced on the man and punched him in the face. All you could hear was the sound of his hits as you sat up and tried to catch you breath. Suddenly, Jason was in front of you, holding your face with blood stained gloves. “Hey, I’m here. You’re okay.”

He checked you over, too distracted with you to realize that your father wasn’t quite as unconscious as he thought. The man crawled over and grabbed the gun that he’d dropped when Jason attacked, and pulled the trigger. There was a bang and he looked down at you to find you staring wide eyed at your own stomach. He followed your gaze and there was a red spot blossoming across your t-shirt, way too quickly for comfort.

Jason turned to your father, who already had the gun under his chin, a sick grin on his bloodied face. He pulled the trigger once again, spraying blood and brains across your wall. You screamed both from the pain and what you’d just witnessed before everything suddenly turned to black.

After hiding under your bed and calling Jason, after hearing screams and gunshots, you expected the creaking of the steps, the usual sign that your father was done with your mom and intended to put his attention on you. There was none of that, no sound at all actually, but you did spot a pair of blue boots walking across your room, boots that definitely didn’t belong to your father. You held your breath, hoping that you would go unnoticed.

A split second later, the figure kneeled down and looked straight at you, and you jumped, trying to scurry away from him. You’d never seen him before, because you would have definitely remembered meeting someone with green skin and bright red eyes. “Do not be afraid.”

You wanted to come back with some sarcastic remark, one that would’ve made your boyfriend proud, but you were still shocked by what you’d heard from downstairs. “Who are you?”

“My name is J'onn J'onzz. I am a friend of Jason’s, sent here to help you.”

The mention of your boyfriend’s name made you relax your tensed muscles. If this guy knew Jason, he wouldn’t hurt you. He held his hand out to you, but you still shook your head, glancing at the door. “My dad…”

“He is no longer a concern.” It seemed he was right, since you hadn’t heard a sound from downstairs since J'onn appeared. You scooted out from under the bed and stood up, just as he did. You noticed his odd costume, consisting of a blue cape with matching shorts and nothing but a red X covering his chest, but who were you to judge? You shook the thought from your head as he held his hand out to you once again.

“Take my hand.”

Slowly, you reached out and did as he said, and were immediately blinded by a bright flash of light.

—-

You shot up in the hospital bed with a gasp and your hands flew up to grab your head. It felt like a bomb had went off in your skull, and you screamed out in agony. There were voices in the room that were drowned out by the ringing in your ears, and a gentle hand between your shoulder blades that you hadn’t quite processed.

“What the hell’s going on?!” Jason yelled as he stood up, not sure what to do to help you.

J'onn stepped out from his place behind the head of the bed. “They were trapped in their own mind, within a traumatic memory, but I was able to get them out. Their memories are returning now. It will take a moment.”

Images and sounds flashed in your head, all coming back in full force. Every life taken, every broken bone, every tear. Every laugh you’d had with your real family, every wound mended. Every cold, lonely day, and every warm, happy one. Jason, Alfred, Bruce, Roy, Tim, Damian, Lian. All of them.

The ache in your head slowly subsided and you could finally make out one of the voices. It was…Jason. You looked around the room until your gaze finally landed on him, bruised and battered and so exhausted. Your eyes watered and throat tightened as you remembered that you did that to him with your bare hands. You reached out to touch his face, but you stopped yourself. You’d hurt the person you loved, and you didn’t deserve to touch him. “Jay…”

Jason let out the breath he’d been holding. Your eyes weren’t empty like they had been lately. You knew him, really knew him. “(Y/N)…”

Your lip trembled and you finally broke out into violent sobs that you couldn’t hold back anymore. You dropped your head into your hands, avoiding his eyes, which weren’t full of disgust and hatred like you thought they should’ve been, but were both concerned by your tears and relieved at the fact that you remembered. “I’m s-sorry! I-I’m so sorry!”

Jason hugged you to his chest, rubbing his hand over your back as you finally gave in and wrapped your arms around his stomach. He gave J'onn a tiny nod, letting him know he could handle things from there, then spoke as he left the room. “It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault.”

You pulled away and stared at him in confusion. “Jay, I hurt you.” With a shaking hand, you just barely brushed his cheek, where he had a very nasty bruise, but quickly jerked your hand back like touching it would make it worse. “I did this to you. I almost killed you. I wanted to kill you.”

Jason took your face in his hands, gentle as ever, looking you right in your red and swollen eyes. “Slade fucked with your head, (Y/N). He had you murdered and turned you into a weapon. What you did under his control isn’t on you.” The way you flinched at the mercenary’s name didn’t go unnoticed and he had to swallow the rage that boiled up inside of him.

You grabbed his hands and carefully, reluctantly, pulled them from your cheeks. “You don’t know what I’ve done.”

“I think you might’ve forgotten who you’re talking to.” Usually a comment like that would’ve come with a smirk, but not this time. There was nothing funny about it, not when it was you.

“There’s a difference. The people you’ve killed…it could be argued that they deserved it. I’ve murdered innocent people. Anyone he pointed me at, I took out. That didn’t change until I fought Roy in Blüdhaven. If he hadn’t been my friend, he wouldn’t have a head.” Facing Jason after everything was hard, so you knew seeing Roy again would be bad too. Everyone really, but you’d personally hurt him and Jason. They’d seen what you could do with a sword or even just your hands. They knew full well what you’d become.

“That piece of shit manipulated you, (Y/N). It was him.” He wanted you to believe it, but he knew from the look in your eyes that you didn’t.

You stared down at your lap as the cold part of you, the part that Slade encouraged, whispered in your ear. The things he’d done to you in the year he’d had you all ran through your head. All the beatings, stabbings, cuts, burns, and other things you didn’t want to think about. And while you didn’t agree with Jason on your innocence, you did know that Slade needed to get what he deserved. “I want to kill him, Jay.”

He stayed silent for a moment, thinking about what you said. Who could blame you for wanting to kill Slade? He’d been wanting to do it for an entire year. Jason would be a hypocrite if he tried to stop you, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to let you go after Slade on your own. He took your hand, encouraging you to look up at him. “You’ll have backup.”


	12. Chapter 12

You and Jason left the Watchtower soon after you woke up, luckily before you had to face Bruce, and headed back to the apartment. Both of you knew that it was the first place the family might look for you, but it was also where Jason kept most of his equipment, so you had to make it quick. Roy and Lian were gone, and you suspected that Jason might have given him a heads up to go. Maybe it was for the best. You weren’t ready to see them yet, or any of your family for that matter.

You sharpened your blades while Jason armed himself to the teeth like always. In the middle of doing the second one, you got distracted by the pictures on the wall, the very same ones that had sparked something in you several weeks ago. Dick, Tim, Alfred, Roy, Lian, and everyone else you cared about, all of their faces were looking back at you. You missed them, of course you did, but you didn’t even deserve to be around Jason, let alone the other people you loved.

Jason noticed the way your eyes lingered on the photos and grabbed a bundle from his stock of weapons. He stood on the other side of the table and sat it down, bringing you out of your thoughts. He unrolled it, showing a selection of knives, some long, some wide, some serrated, all very sharp and deadly. “Thought these might be more your style.”

Without a word, you slid out the biggest one, long and broad with ferocious teeth, and weighed it on your palm. Jason watched as you examined it and flipped it in your hand. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to seeing you handle weapons with such precision, remembering how much you used to abhor violence. “Maybe I’ll use this one to kill him.”

Jason leaned his hip against the table and crossed his arms as you set the knife down and continued sharpening your sword. “How _do_ you plan on doing that by the way? He can just regenerate.”

“Easy. Cut his head off and separate it from his body. He can’t regrow body parts.”

“So you’re going to saw his head off… _with a knife_?”

You finished with the sword and stood up, sliding it into the sheath on your back along with the other one. “You don’t have to get involved in this. I can do it alone.”

He stood in front of you, not too close, as things were undetermined until after Slade was dead. His hand still touched your arm and you managed not to pull away from him. “I know you can, but you don’t have to.”

“Jay…”

“(Y/N/N), I made you a promise when we were kids, and I’ve fucked it up _a lot_. Not this time. I’m going with you and you can’t convince me otherwise.” His hand slipped down your arm to reach your hand and you seemed to tense more the closer he got, so he stopped, dropping his hand to his side. You weren’t ready, but he would wait as long as you needed.

“Okay, let’s do this.”

——–

You stared out of the car window, watching the other cars pass by on the highway, listening to the low volume of the radio fill the silence. You were dreading it, having to talk to Jason about more than killing Slade. Even the small talk you’d had in the Watchtower was too much for you. It was hard for you to believe that you deserved to have your life back.

Jason gripped the steering wheel tight as he stared out at the road. He wanted to say something. Fuck, he wanted to hold you, kiss you, tell you how much he loved you and missed you. He knew what was going through your head, the same things he’d thought after he came back and the two of you got together again. He felt unworthy, and that still happened often. All he knew was that he wasn’t going to let you go again. You still loved him, he could tell, and he still loved you more than anything. He just hoped that would be enough.

“So you really think he’s still going to take that job even though you know about it?”

His words snapped you out of it and you shifted in your seat to face him. “Yeah. It’s too much money for him to pass up. Besides, he probably thinks that you guys are still working on my memories.”

“Let’s hope so. This is our only lead, and I wasn’t having the best luck finding him in the past year before Blüdhaven.” Slade had been a ghost and now he knew why the man seemed to be keeping an even lower profile during that time. He wanted to hurt you for as long as possible before someone caught on.

“You were looking for him?”

“I was…The clowns, too.”

Joker and Harley didn’t factor into your revenge scheme so you hadn’t thought much about them. Yes, they had kidnapped you and the Joker beat you to death, but what Slade did to you was so much worse. Ten minutes of that crowbar paled in comparison to a year of physical and mental abuse, plus years of fake, and also abusive, memories that felt totally real to you.

Your voice was quiet, just barely audible over the radio. “Did you…?”

He knew what you were asking before you even finished the question. “No. Bruce knew I was after them and kept getting in the way.”

You nodded slowly, keeping your eyes on him as he watched the road. “I’m glad you didn’t do it. I would never want you to kill anyone because of me.”

Jason knew that very well. The entire past year, he thought about how much you would hate what he was doing, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. He wanted to avenge you, to make them feel the same pain you felt when you were beaten to death. You wouldn’t have wanted it, but you were dead, or so he thought, so what you wanted didn’t really matter anymore. He was too angry and too empty to care.

You’d hoped that he would be okay, that he would eventually be at peace with your death, but you also knew him better than that. You knew he’d let the guilt and rage eat away at him until there was nothing left. “Was that all you did when I was gone?”

“Basically, yeah.” Jason didn’t want to tell you too much while everything was still so fresh. He didn’t want to tell you that he probably would’ve been dead for a second time if Roy hadn’t stuck around like he did. He used to think about it more often than he’d like to admit, especially on the days when the guilt became too much.

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s not your fault.”

Yeah, you knew that. You hadn’t planned to get murdered or be given abilities or have a villain mind control you. It still hurt though, knowing that Jason had to go through what you did when he died. You still felt responsible. With that, you turned to look out of the window again, not wanting him to possibly see the emotions on your face. All of that could wait until the job was done.

——–

The two of you had been laying low on a rooftop for the better part of an hour, watching where you hoped Slade would be. Jason seemed to be more intent on watching you though, glancing at you out of the corner of his eye when he thought you didn’t notice, instead of looking through the sight on his sniper rifle. You were about to say something when a motorcycle pulled up, and you tapped the side of your domino mask to activate the binoculars. Sure enough, it was Slade.

“He’s here, Jay.”

You’d told Jason you wanted to deal with Slade on your own, only having him provide backup with the rifle. He didn’t like the idea, but he knew he could be down on the ground quickly if you needed him to do more than shoot the asshole from a distance. “Go. I’ve got your back.”

With a quick nod, you hopped down and landed hard on the cement, but shrugged it off. You slid your swords out of their sheaths got into position. The element of surprise probably would’ve been the best way to start with, but you knew Slade. Even after going through his training, he still would’ve spotted you a mile away.

Slade chuckled as he got off of his bike to face you. “So you’ve come to fight me…Cute.”

You charged and he had his own sword out in an instant, blocking your attack. Through your crossed swords, you spat at him. “I’ve come to _kill_ you, motherfucker.”

He went in for an attack and you just barely stopped it. The sound of blades clashing filled the air until Slade sliced your arm deep. “You should be thanking me. I made you better.”

“You made me into a monster, Slade.” You gripped the handle tighter, ignoring the pain in your arm. You’d felt worse than that before. “You tortured me, you abused me. Don’t pretend you did me any favors.”

Slade struck you again and you ended up smacking against the cement and dropping one of your swords. He stood above you, looking down at you through his mask. “You were always weak. I should’ve just let you stay dead. You would’ve been of more use that w-”

Suddenly, you heard the telltale sign of bullets hitting Slade’s chest plate, knocking him backwards and giving you a chance to get to your feet and grab your other weapon. Slade straightened up, facing you again. “I should’ve known you’d bring your little boyfriend. I wonder what he’ll say when he finds out what else we did together. Will he still be so willing to help you?”

Rage and nausea hit you all at once with his words, but you had to push it down. You couldn’t let him pick at you, couldn’t let your emotions take over, because you would be screwed if you did. “You know, I’m really sick of hearing you speak, Slade.” You swung at him again, leading him backwards towards a nearby wall. Every attack he attempted, you blocked, leaving you at a stalemate.

“It’s no use. I taught you everything you know.” You could clearly hear the smirk behind his mask and it made you roll your eyes.

As you held his sword back with one of your own, you dropped the other and grabbed a device from your belt. You stuck it onto his chest and forced him back before the bomb went off and slammed him into the wall. “Not everything.”

You picked up your other blade and ran towards Slade, using all of your strength to force them through each of his shoulders, sticking him into the wall and leaving his arms unable to move. You ripped his helmet off and threw it to the ground, revealing his pained face. “Well, you did teach me this one. Several times actually.”

Slade looked unbothered as you pulled out the knife and held it to his throat. “You won’t do it.”

The teeth of the knife dug into his skin, drawing blood. “I am. I’m going to make sure you don’t hurt anyone ever again.”

“Wait.”

With a frown, you turned towards Jason and watched him come closer. “Wait for _what_?”

He stopped near you and held out his hand. “Let me do it.”

You shook your head, looking back at Slade, who seemed quite pleased with himself. “No, I have to do this!”

“He’ll be the first person you made the choice to kill. You shouldn’t have that blood on your hands, no matter how much he deserves to die.” Jason knew you’d killed people, but you hadn’t been in your right mind. He, on the other hand, had killed countless people and consciously made the decision. Another wouldn’t hurt.

“You have no idea what he did to me. Not really. It has to be me.” You held the knife tighter and pushed it in further, cutting past Slade’s skin. He had a point, but you couldn’t bring yourself to let go. “And like I said before. I don’t want you killing anyone for me.”

Before Jason could say anything, a slight wind started to blow and you both turned to see the Batwing landing. “Looks like that decision was made for you,” Slade said.

You punched him in the face causing a loud crack from his nose. “Shut the fuck up!”

Dick and Tim climbed out of the Batwing, and you all knew then and there that Slade wouldn’t be dying that day. “(Y/N), put the knife down!”

Jason looked at you and you at him. “Just say the word”. He wouldn’t exactly enjoy fighting them, but he’d do it for you. You were aware of that, and you didn’t want him to throw away any of the progress he’s made in gaining the family’s trust. You didn’t want him to risk it all for you.

So you dropped the knife and tried to ignore Slade’s chuckle, “I knew you couldn’t do it. You don’t have the spine.”

With only a split second of thought, you grabbed the handles of your swords and yanked them down, cutting through flesh and bone and enjoying Slade’s yell of pain. Then, you grabbed his arms and completely separated them from the rest of his body. “Good luck growing these back, asshole.”

You threw his limbs to the side and he slid down to the ground, blood gushing from his shoulders as you pulled your blades from the wall. You bent down to his level and looked him right in the eyes. “I’m not going to let you change me anymore.”

When you stood up and sheathed your swords again, you found Jason staring at you, and you realized that Dick and Tim had ended up right behind you. The two of them looked shocked, Tim a little less so because he’d seen the damage you did to Jason. But Dick, he was so used to the person he’d known since they were twelve, who would’ve never hurt a fly.

You clapped a hand on Dick’s shoulder, not really thinking about the blood on your gloves. “I trust you’ll take care of him.” And you finally turned to Jason, who had taken off his helmet. He wasn’t surprised like the others. More… _proud._

“Let’s go home, Jay.”


	13. Chapter 13

When you and Jason walked back through the front door of the apartment, you'd expected it to still be empty, that you'd be able to clean off the blood and maybe even change your clothes. Not to see Roy and Lian sitting there waiting for you in the living room.

Both of them looked up at you and you froze in your tracks as Jason shut the door behind you. Lian stared for a moment until a huge grin broke out over her face and she shot up from her seat. Roy tried to stop her, not wanting you to be overwhelmed, but she was too fast. "(Y/N)!"

You quickly kneeled and she threw herself right at you, nearly knocking you over as she wrapped her arms around your shoulders. You squeezed your eyes shut to keep from tearing up and hugged her right back. "Hey, Li."

You pulled back slightly to look over her. She'd grown quite a bit in the past year and you had missed it all. Your voice cracked when you spoke again. "Look at you. Y-you've gotten so big."

"I missed you."

"I missed you, too."

Lian smiled at you and you returned it before standing up to face Roy. He gave you a quick pat on the shoulder. "It's good to see you again, under better circumstances."

The thoughts of what you'd done hadn't been in the forefront of your mind since you walked through the door, but as soon as he said that, they were back. "Yeah, I'm sorry I tried to cut your head off."

Roy shrugged, looking unbothered. "You weren't the first and you won't be the last."

You flashed a small smile before looking over at Jason, who'd been leaning against the wall and watching the exchange. He was relieved that it seemed to be going well, since you'd clearly been nervous about seeing anyone. It hadn't really been the plan for Roy and Lian to be there when you arrived, but it worked out anyway.

"We were just heading out to Dinah's place. We'll see you later?"

You didn't answer right away, but the three sets of eyes on you made you feel way too nervous. "Of course."

They left the apartment after some convincing from Roy, since Lian didn't want to leave you yet. But Roy understood. You needed time.

With a heavy sigh, you walked into your old bedroom, looking around at everything. Jason had kept it all exactly the same. Even the things on your nightstand hadn't been touched. You shrugged your jacket off and dropped down onto the bed, your shoulders slumping. The day had been too long, too exhausting.

Jason sat down next to you in silence.

"I missed you so much. Even when I didn't know that it was you I was missing." you finally said, your voice quiet.

"I missed you, too. Every damn day." It was true. Not a day went by that he didn't think about you.

"I don't know where to go from here, Jay." You stared at your hands for a moment. They were covered in the blood of everyone you'd ever hurt, but could you ever get them clean? Even if you joined the family again, would you be worthy? "I don't know if I should stay in Gotham with everyone."

"Then don't. We can go wherever you want."

Your head shot up and you looked over at him, confused, "We?"

"You don't have to do it alone, (Y/N)." You recognized those words. It was what you'd said to him the night he left, the last time you saw him for five years. "I'd rather face the crowbar than lose you again. So wherever you go, I'll follow." There was no trace of doubt when he said it, because he truly meant every word. He knew from the moment he met you that he was meant to be by your side.

Tears pricked at your eyes, but you forced them back out of habit. "I'm not the same person I used to be."

"Neither am I, but you've always loved me anyway. And I love you." Slowly, he moved his hand closer to yours on the bed, leaving the tiniest amount of space between them. He left it up to you to make the move.

A tear finally slipped out and you gently took his hand, like you would break it if you weren't careful. You linked your fingers with his and laid your head on his shoulder like you used to. "I love you, too, Jason."

Jason smiled softly, looking down at your joined hands. He'd missed just being able to sit with you in quiet moments like this. The two of you stayed that way for a while until he finally spoke again, "I have something that belongs to you. If you want it back."

You looked up at him with an eyebrow raised, and he reluctantly let go of your hand, reaching up to undo the chain around his neck. He took your hand and put it in your palm.

Your engagement ring.

You touched the metal, warm from being under his suit, before turning back to him. "You kept it?"

"Yeah. I understand if it's too soon-"

Before he could continue, you took your left glove off, then slid the ring off of the chain so you could put it on your finger. "No, it…It feels right."

He took your hand again. "So where are we going?"

"Maybe…" You looked around the room, the little home you'd built with him a lifetime ago, before finally settling on the window, where you could see the Gotham skyline. "Maybe we should stay here. I can't run away forever. I just don't know what the hell I'm gonna do." You couldn't exactly go back to being a nurse, since you were legally dead and all.

"I'm sure you could convince Bruce to allow another hero in town. If you wanted to, that is."

You thought again of everything you'd done in only a year. The countless people you'd tortured and killed in that short time, innocent or not. "I'm no hero."

Jason considered that. You  _ were _ more like him and Roy now than you were the others. "What about an outlaw?"

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. Roy and I have both seen you in action and we know you have the skills. Maybe now you can use them for something else."

You thought about it. Could you walk the gray line like he did? Hurt those that deserved it and protect the people who couldn't protect themselves? You had a lot to make up for and perhaps this was the best way to do it.

"Okay, I'm in."


End file.
